I touch myself...

Wow, sometimes I surprise myself...a post I made a few years back in my non existent blog.  Warning...not my usual content of sarcasm.  I wonder what ever possessed me to write this?

EXES AND FRIENDSHIP, IS IT POSSIBLE

I hadn’t seen John for almost 3 years. I wonder what he looks like? Well, I’ll find out in a minute. We chose to meet in the small Chinese restaurant near the house. Lunch would have to be quick as I had a dentist appointment afterwards. John and I went out exclusively (and not so exclusively) for a little over 7 years. We were next door neighbors which made it all the more easier to spend time together. I spent my formative years with him during high school, university and when I started work. I remember playing hookey and him picking me up to go to the tracks to race cars. We were practically married and both our parents were just waiting for us to tell them when and where.

I don’t exactly know when things went wrong but I remember our last few years together fighting and screaming. We cried, made up and exhausted the whole process over and over until we couldn’t take it anymore and had to call it quits. I left for the States to work and he got married soon after we broke up. That hurt…a lot. It took us a while to sort things out between us but things eventually settled down. Don’t get me wrong, it took years before we could even go into the same room without screaming at each other. The baggage I got from our relationship messed me up. I tried counseling but quit after the first session when the doctor prescribed Prozac and a load of other pills with names I couldn’t even pronounce. I absolutely refused to believe that it had gotten that bad. It took me years of self analysis to work it out but eventually I did (I think).

I remember reading about it, teenage love, in the Sweet Valley High series. For those of you too young to remember, they were akin to the trials and tribulations as presented in The O.C. Reading about it was one thing, experiencing it was another matter. What they don’t tell you is that there is no pain like a broken heart and the nastiness that comes. Love easily turns to hate and that hate is coupled with venom so intense that it rules every waking moment. In retrospect, if I had known then what I know now would I have chosen the same path? As with anything we do in life, it is the choices that we make that mold us into who we become. I didn’t now it at the time, but working things out was a choice we both made no matter how difficult it got. I didn’t ask myself why I was doing it. I don’t think he ever did either. We never said “Let’s be friends.”

I couldn’t have mistaken him for anyone else. Here was the familiar cheeky grin coming up the stairs. We hugged and he lifted me off my feet. I grinned and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Hey John, this is my husband Fred.” They shook hands; we sat down and spent the whole time catching up. Life is good.

Manila...

I knew it, I felt it, I lived it.  Last year, I was feeling antsy and unfulfilled.  Fast forward to now...my anime/manga obsession ended up with me having to get glasses.  My icky time at work ended with me moving countries (I KNEW IT!) and completely abandoning London for Manila.  I wish I could say I'm smarter, more mature and better than who I was before I left, but I won't! Hahaha!  It's been a crazy year, I'm looking forward to seeing it end.

I've been back here for half a year and so far I've encountered angry lesbians (their vibrator broke), snow white's wicked step mother, el queso grande and @ss lickers everywhere.  Ahhh, it's good to see that nothing's changed here.

I'm home ma!