O.U.C.H.

I wasn't very nice today. In fact, I was downright nasty. It's kinda like how my mom talks to me when she's really really annoyed and trying to keep her temper. Only much worse. In the end I decided to ignore the guy. Let's call him Lito (kasi nakakalito talaga sya kausap). I didn't try and help, didn't say anything...zip. I figured it's better to be unhelpful than try to help and scream at the poor guy. It was either me or him. You know? I don't want to be nasty, I try not to be but if I can't help myself then I'd rather not say anything. I want to be nice. Really I do. I was telling another guy at work today how it's been a long week...and it's only Wednesday. I can imagine how Lito feels.

I burned myself today. Accidentally splashed hot smoking oil on my hand as I was putting the chicken in the pan. My left has is now immobile, as tiny movements just exacerbate the pain. Thank god for neosporin. This little tube was my lifeline while I was burning myself left and right in the kitchen. The same thing happened to me when I was in the US sans neosporin and I had to deal with the pain for 3 weeks. Finally when my hand started turning green a coworker of mine grabbed me by the collar and applied this miracle cream and three days later my hand was healed. Ray got me a new one neosporin + pain killer....aaaaaaaaaaah.

I don't feel so good...and I'm not talking about my hand.

Epiphany

Today as I was chatting with Tinah and ranting about how she should leave Manila to get away from the very stifling narrowmindedness of some people...

Tinah: Bun...are you having your period?

Me: *indignant* sabi ko na eh...Of course not!

Tinah: Omigod! You're having pms and dishing it out on me!

Me: *not so indignant* no i'm not!

Tinah: Yes you are!

So there...as I woke up today feeling a bit loopy again and not knowing why it was Tinah who gave me my epiphany. In the form of *OO NGA NOOOOOH* So that explains why I've been loopy, bitchy and downright nasty this past week. Geez...how could I have missed that? After that conversation she left to get her groceries, although I have this sinking feeling that she just wanted to get away from me. I must be in a really bad way, considering that she lives a mere 14 hours plane ride from me. So there you have it, leave it to the people who really know you to spot what's wrong with you, even if you're hundreds of miles apart. Thank god for friends, now I now I'm not losing my sanity afterall. And yes...this is a sneaky way of saying *Sorry Tinah* for being bitchy.

In Bora, Tinah modelling some ube flavored mamon (or was it pandan?)



I actually feel sorry for the guy at work now. I've been impatient (x2) with him since the start of the week and it's only Tuesday. In my defense, I'm not the only one. Everyone he comes across with goes away exasperated....banging their head *I kid you not*. Still, I feel bad for snapping at him. I hope we get through this week in one piece. I'm really saying that more for his sake than mine. *Grin* Ok ok that wasn't so nice.

Now it's time for me to let out a huge sigh of relief. For a minute there I really thought I was going insane. Loopy. Nuts. La cucaracha. I just wanted to say that.

Dampened spirits

Today, as with the past couple of weeks, I woke up feeling...blah. I can't explain it it's just there. Getting out of bed in the morning is just a chore these days. I think it's this city, the subway, the crap people who bring their prejudice and middle aged ways with them. It's the emptiness of the people. I feel like I'm becoming one of them. Bitchy...I snap at people who irritate me, I am abrubt with them, trying to be curt and polite but only managing to be the former. I get scared sometimes when I catch myself being rude, I don't like it. I don't like how I'm becoming sometimes.

Everyday I find something to be grateful about. My husband for one. I try and think of him to get some warmth throughout the day. My mom, although I don't see her at all these days the thought of going back home to see her keeps me going. Just something to get through the awful days. You know them. All of us have them, and I'm in the middle of it.

I was supposed to go to the park and have spend my lunchbreak soaking in the air, reading the paper, and eating a banana. It was raining so that didn't happen. It was a crummy day at work. Communication barriers can really give you a splitting headache. Talking to someone who doesn't have english as a first language, and you not knowing their mother tongue really tests your skills of communication. I think today I failed.

Deep breaths. That's what got me through the day. I'm glad it's over. Tomorrow is a new day. I'm home now so I'm a bit better. Mike doesn't have work so that made me even more eager to get home quickly. Seeing my husband in his houserobe (how positively domestic don't you think?) making dinner or sitting in front of the computer always gives me a laugh (especially if you knew what color the houserobe was...it was once mine).

I'm signing off tonight full of hope that tomorrow will be a lot better.

Random musings and rants

I've had one too many cups of coffee today. I didn't think I would get to a stage where I'd be saying time out to coffee, but hey it's happened. This year, I am turning the big three o and times like tonight I feel my age. Lately I can't stop saying that...*I feel my age*. I think it's hilarious given that I don't feel a day over 20 sometimes. I think it's even more hilarious that I say that because I only hear people in their 40's say that. My circle of friends in the same age group have all had their birthdays and have coped in different ways. Some have analyzed where they have ended up in their lives and careers, others have pulled all nighters to hold on to the wild partying, and some others have gone all broody. Some of us have done all of the above.

I had an amazing spa day with Cindy and Wins. Birthday present from Cindy at Clarins Institute...a must go. To quote Winnie...*....this doesn't have health benefits but it makes you feel amazingly relaxed afterwards.* The whole time I was just thinking of the beach...under the sun. Afterwards we went back to Cindy's flat and she made us crispy pata. Really, this lady has an amazing talent when it comes to bringing back food from home. After a trip from home her luggage is full of vacuum packed home cooked goodies like manang used to make (er...sidenote here...some of our moms don't cook) Laing, adobo, crispy pata (?!) Yumyyyy

British tv just sucks at times...I don't want to put down the whole thing because there's 8 out of 10 cats. I miss having cable *so sign up then you say...it's not at the top of the list right now okaaaay?* There's this really mind numbing, annoying and all the negative superlatives that I can think of comedy show called Miss Jocelyn. She's a hairdresser with a twin sister who's locked up and chained like a dog, a Jamaican restroom attendant who charges 1 pound per square of toilet roll, a customs inspector who eats a pet cat. It's...just...not...funny. Date my sister...passing around pictures of your sister to random men on the street asking them to...tadaaaah date her sister...and when the sister found out she was mighty chuffed...Mel?...L.O.S.E.R, big brother...a lot of times I feel I've had enough of this city. Ungrateful...tsk tsk tsk. And me? Stop watching crappy telly and read a book or let go of the computer so my husband can play football manager. He's got a good reverse psycho thing going on here...

Today I've had a guy stare at my boobs. It's not the first time it's happened and it's just disgusting. It's probably because he came from a country where his eyes would get gouged out if he stared at a woman on the street. I was telling Mike how uncivilized I thought they were and his answer was...*I don't know...I don't have men staring at my boobs.* You gotta love that.

My daily refuge

When I was young(er), I used to spend practically every waking minute at work. My officemates saw me more than my mom did. Christmas would come and my mom would have to ask me if I'd be spending it a home as opposed to spending it at work *unbelievable when I think about it now*. Now that I'm back to working in an office (I have officially sold out...IT pays a loooot better than kitchens, unless you're a celebrity chef. Ha! fat chance of that happening), my first few months were spent having lunch at my desk while working...but lately I just have this need to go out during my lunchbreak. I get a table (it's fast becoming my usual) at a spanish tapas bar near work, a couple of tapas, paper and I'm all set. I feel more relaxed, and I can work more efficiently after my break. Most importantly I get to have time alone. It's a nice change and more and more I realize that I'm not willing to give up me time and go back to the fast paced work life. I guess that means I'm not going to be CEO in my lifetime....but guess what...I'm not too bothered by that.
My usual table.

What bothered me...Steve Irwin passing away. The first thing I thought of was...a great man has been taken away from this world. It's a shame...no...it's a tragedy. Funny thing is I don't even watch his show regularly, but the times that I did I learned more about whatever he was talking about than my years in uni studying zoology. It feels like a spark has gone out.

Charlie's Angels

It's been a while since I've posted here. Mostly I've been busy with work. I've also been updating my food blog a lot more. Hmm...let's put things into perspective...I'm not really busy with work, more like preoccupied with work. That's one of the disadvantages of having to work, not having enough time to do anything else. Really, I'm not being ungrateful here...ok maybe a tad bit.

So...I've gained weight. The bane of my existence, the root of all my insecurities, the blight in my...ok ok you get the drift. I'm trying not to panic, not to fall back into old habits, and most especially not to let it get to me too much. I'm not categorically obese as my friend says....but I am fat. And in my twisted mind...fat...is...bad. I don't see anyone who's overweight as bad, just myself. Twisted logic right there. I haven't been my usual jolly self lately since I haven't been fitting into my slim clothes. I've been grumpy *argh* and moody *grrr* and Mike's been getting the brunt of it. Last night, he wanted to prove to me that I wasn't fat, so he carried me to bed. Thank goodness it was less than a meter away from where he lifted me. He was panting by the time we reached the bed. My sweet honey.

I've been reconnecting with old friends. We've not really lost touch. We've moved all over the globe and between us we'd rack up mileage points for another free ticket. It's hard to keep up when you've all got different time zones. I think I'm the lucky one...I'm right smack bang in the middle of their online time. As one goes to bed, the other's starting to get ready for work. What struck me most is how we've all grown up. It's funny, I used to read about adults in the glamour mademoiselle magazines back in the day. I never thought I'd be one to write about turning into an adult...or the resistance to it.

We're all trying to be responsible now...buying a house *it's gorgeous!*, getting married *I just woke up one day and did it!*, and having a committed relationship *I couldn't have picked a better person*. Hopefully a few years from now we get to be physically in one place at one time. Even if it's just to say hello in person, give that much wanted hug, have wine *I can't believe anne actually drinks booze now!!! My you guys have been a long time coming!!!* Jacq even makes cocktails ...we have progressed!!!

Here's to old friends.